Voices of the Incarcerated - Daily Survival for Lifers

Heidi • March 6, 2023

"From day one I’ve known prison sees me as worthless."

The following excerpt is from a larger essay published at Prison Writers, a non-profit organization that offers uncensored, personal stories and thoughtful essays from incarcerated citizens across the country about what really goes on inside the secretive world of prison corrections. The editorial team works with incarcerated writers one-on-one to improve their writing and communications skills.


*****


I was instantly rushed to solitary confinement since I can’t be trusted to behave. I received the one-hour express check-in instead of the regular seven-hour prison check-in. My first day of prison I weighed 180 pounds. I was in solitary confinement from 9-6-2011 to 7-27-2022.


The prison staffing kept getting lower. It got to the point where we had no idea if the next meal would be a paper bag or a plastic tray. The entire solitary confinement building was sent elsewhere. I got sent to the death row building four hours away.


At death row, I started writing my journal in May 2018. My journal is current 7,416 pages. Over time I have noticed my writing ability improve.


When I left death row I weighed 120 pounds. Towards the end, death row was giving meals consisting of six ounces total.


I essentially have zero details of my relatives. I don't even know if they're dead or alive. They don't even reply to my letters. I don't have anyone's phone number so I've never made a phone call in prison. My last visit was years ago.


It's best to give people the benefit of the doubt. You only get to see one page of their book. If you could see their entire book, you would completely understand why they are the way they are.


*****


Read the full essay "They Put Me On Death Row Even Though I Didn't Have a Death Sentence" by Cesar Hernandez, a contributing writer with Prison Writers.



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