Voices of the Incarcerated - The Human Toll of Jail

CW: details of self-harm and suicidal behavior

In 2016, the Vera Institute of Justice launched the first Human Toll of Jail project to humanize the costs of incarceration and uplift true stories about people whose lives are affected by jail, in their own words. The project featured essays by people who had spent time in jail, their families and communities, and people who work in the system.

As mass incarceration continues to be the default setting of the U.S. “justice” system seven years later, the conversation about the misuse of jails isn’t over. Vera has now partnered with PEN America's Prison and Justice Writing Program to amplify a second round of stories from people living the harsh realities of life behind bars.

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"I, Lazarus" by George T. Wilkerson, an artist, writer, poet, and Christian who has been on death row since 2006. He is a co-author of Crimson Letters (Black Rose Writing, 2020) and the forthcoming poetry collection INTERFACE (Bleakhouse Publishing, 2022).

I signed up that night for a shave. The next morning an officer delivered a cheap orange disposable razor. “I’ll be back in 10 minutes to pick that up.” As soon as he left, I broke the blade loose of its plastic housing, then sliced four three-inch lines into the top of my left forearm. Out oozed blood, into which I dipped my fingers to wipe red all over my faded orange jumpsuit. That should do it. It kind of looked like I’d been mauled by a mountain lion. I figured they’d send me to safekeeping for sure. “Safekeeping” was a housing status, where high-profile or troublesome people were sent to prison while awaiting their trials. And prisons granted access to what I needed: phones, outside recreation, cigarettes, library books, TV and radio, hot showers—Booking’s shower had no hot water.

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"Simple Math" by Lyle C. May, a prison journalist, abolitionist, Ohio university alum, and member of the Alpha Sigma Lambda honor society. As he pursues every legal avenue to overturn his wrongful conviction and death sentence in North Carolina, May advocates for greater access to higher education in prison. His writing has appeared in Scalawag, The Marshall Project, Copper Nickel, Meal Magazine, J Journal, and That Which Remains. He is also a co-author of Crimson Letters: Voices from Death Row.

The inhumanities of jail took a toll on me, as well. After 14 months of solitary confinement prior to my capital trial, I lost my tenuous grip on sanity and attempted suicide. Between the light and noise, as well as my internal mental racket while facing a potential death sentence, I didn’t know how to cope with the sense of despair that was my constant companion. One evening after count, I tied a bedsheet to a bar over the window. Because it was so high, I stood on my rolled-up mattress and tied a slipknot around my neck. Taking a deep breath, I kicked the mattress over. I swung back and forth, bare feet flailing against the wall as I hung. Then the sheet ripped and dropped me to the metal bunk where I lay massaging my burning throat.

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Visit The Human Toll of Jail series for the rest of these two stories and several more original pieces at the Vera Institute of Justice's website.