Voices of the Incarcerated - Goodbye Prison...I'm Not Coming Back

The following essay appeared at the Prison Writers website, and is written by Matthew Muniz, who was incarcerated in Virginia and set to leave prison on February 3rd, 2025.

Excerpts from the essay are included below.

*****

16 and a wake-up.

I’ve been here before but I’ll never be here again. Take that to the bank and cash it.

Every day is a day closer to getting back to life. I’m 20 years behind my peers. Catching up isn’t necessarily the goal, but falling behind even more isn’t either. I’ve had people ask what I want to do or will do for income, employment. Shit, imma do whatever the fuck I can do to make sure I get a check, get my bills paid, my needs met, and I’m not scamming or stealing or trying to game the system. I’m good. I’m damn good at it. Well, I’m only good until I get caught. Fuck that. Time to find something I’m good at doing without doing wrong.

I think one of the hardest things I’m going to have to do is to ignore and not reach out to my daughter and her mother. She turns 15 this year. (What the hell? Where did all that time go?) Me and her mother don’t see eye to eye, so I have to ignore that situation and focus on me. It sounds harsh, and yeah it is. I have to ignore my flesh, my blood, my seed, my progeny, as I haven’t been there for her. I haven’t been a Father to her. I’m a glorified sperm donor at the moment.

The ignorance of presence that I’ve created by my continual spins through the revolving doors of incarceration is my own fault, and she’s doing okay despite all of that. I think that in order for me to have a positive meaningful relationship, with a more successful chance to be genial to both of us, I have to be rooted. I have to be stable. I have to be positive, situated, and established. Walking the walk, not just talking the talk.

I think one of the things I’m definitely going to pursue is continuation of education. I participated in AutoCAD while I was here. I achieved the title of master drafter. That’s something I’m proud of, and I’d like to further my education with architecture. It actually interests me. I became proficient in three programs: AutoCAD for drafting architecturally and mechanically, Inventor for manufacturing of mainly mechanical items, and Revit for architecture/civil engineering in a 3-D environment based off a 2-D plan. I like it. I’m going to rededicate and educate myself to possibly explore a career in this. I’m actually excited at this prospect. I’d like to learn about 3-D printing as well. FAFSA and other tools like that will definitely assist in this endeavor.

The future is mine. It’s a clay that I have had before, and I never took care of it before. I let others and other things influence and mold my clay with a lack of care.

I wish I would’ve put this effort into my previous incarcerations to prevent myself from committing crimes, because potentially the subsequent felony convictions and extended stays courtesy of the State Department of Corrections could’ve been avoided. But I also feel like I had to come to hate and loathe and despise prison. Who wants to be here? I know I don’t/didn’t, but why participate in actions that jeopardize and risk that? I’ve worked a lot on myself. I had to find out that I’d rather struggle in the real world than be carefree incarcerated. Yeah, fuck that. I want to be a good person. I am a good person. Time to do that all the time.

There’s a difference in being sorry because you are sincerely regretful/remorseful for poor decision making, and being sorry because you got caught. I’ve had to learn the difference and heartily be meaningful of the errors in my thinking, my incorrectly justified behavior, to realize that this is all avoidable. That this isn’t fun. This is real life, and this is where I take control of it. Me. I hold the steering wheel. I mold the clay.

*****

You can read the full essay, "Goodbye Prison...I'm Not Coming Back," by Matthew Muniz, at the Prison Writers website. Prison Writers offer uncensored, personal stories and thoughtful essays from incarcerated citizens across the country about what really goes on inside the secretive world of prison corrections, and works with incarcerated writers one-on-one to improve their writing and communications skills.